dance of the reptiles rampaging tourists marauding pythons larcenous legislators crazed celebrities and tar balled beaches selected columns

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Dance Of The Reptiles

Author : Carl Hiaasen
ISBN : 9780345807038
Genre : Humor
File Size : 76. 92 MB
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen’s Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories--large and small--that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction. Hiaasen offers his commentary—indignant, disbelieving, sometimes righteously angry, and frequently hilarious—on burning issues like animal welfare, polluted rivers, and the broken criminal justice system as well as the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, Bernie Madoff's trial, and the shenanigans of the recent presidential elections. Whether or not you have read Carl Hiaasen before, you are in for a wild ride. From the Trade Paperback edition.

Andy Rooney

Author : Andy Rooney
ISBN : 9781586489038
Genre : Humor
File Size : 59. 69 MB
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The "60 Minutes" commentator brings together his greatest pieces of writing spanning a half-century.

Sick Puppy

Author : Carl Hiaasen
ISBN : 0375412735
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 73. 36 MB
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When Palmer Stoat notices the black pickup truck following him on the highway, he fears his precious Range Rover is about to be carjacked. But Twilly Spree, the man tailing Stoat, has vengeance, not sport-utility vehicles, on his mind. Idealistic, independently wealthy and pathologically short-tempered, Twilly has dedicated himself to saving Florida's wilderness from runaway destruction. He favors unambiguous political statements -- such as torching Jet-Skis or blowing up banks -- that leave his human targets shaken but re-educated. After watching Stoat blithely dump a trail of fast-food litter out the window, Twilly decides to teach him a lesson. Thus, Stoat's prized Range Rover becomes home to a horde of hungry dung beetles. Which could have been the end to it had Twilly not discovered that Stoat is one of Florida's cockiest and most powerful political fixers, whose latest project is the "malling" of a pristine Gulf Coast island. Now the real Hiaasen-variety fun begins . . . Dognapping eco-terrorists, bogus big-time hunters, a Republicans-only hooker, an infamous ex-governor who's gone back to nature, thousands of singing toads and a Labrador retriever greater than the sum of his Labrador parts -- these are only some of the denizens of Carl Hiaasen's outrageously funny new novel. Brilliantly twisted entertainment wrapped around a powerful ecological plea, Sick Puppy gleefully lives up to its title and gives us Hiaasen at his riotous and muckraking best. BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Carl Hiaasen's Bad Monkey.

Lucky You

Author : Carl Hiaasen
ISBN : 9780307767431
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 87. 72 MB
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Grange, Florida, is, famous for its miracles-the weeping fiberglass Madonna, the Road-Stain Jesus, the stigmata man. And now it has JoLayne Lucks, unlikely winner of the state lottery. Unfortunately, JoLayne's winning ticket isn't the only one. The other belongs to Bodean Gazzer and his raunchy sidekick, Chub, who want the whole $28 million jackpot to start their own underground militia. But JoLayne Lucks has her own plans for the Lotto money, and when Bode and Chub brutally assault her and steal her ticket, she vows to track them down, take it back-and get revenge. The only one who can help is Tom Krome, a big-city investigative journalist now writing frothy features for a mid-sized newspaper. He is about to become part of a story that's bigger and more bizarre than anything he's ever covered. Chasing two heavily armed psychopaths is reckless enough, but Tom's got other problems-including his fugitive wife and his own growing fondness for the future millionairess with whom he's risking his neck. The pursuit takes them to a buzzard-infested island deep in Florida Bay, where they finally catch up with the fledgling militia-and their baffled hostage, a Hooters waitress. The climax explodes with the hilarious mayhem that is Carl Hiaasen's hallmark. Lucky You is his funniest, most deliriously gripping novel yet. BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Carl Hiaasen's Bad Monkey.

The Brain Eater S Bible

Author : Pat Kilbane
ISBN : 1466828013
Genre : Humor
File Size : 86. 13 MB
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The Brain Eater’s Bible by J.D. Ghoul with Pat Kilbane is a field manual and manifesto—in the vein of Max Brooks's bestselling The Zombie Survival Guide—for the reanimated dead. "What is wrong with me?!" That's what you're thinking, isn't it? You woke up in a drainage ditch covered with skin ulcerations and nasty flesh wounds. Your body is numb and your memory is foggy. Someone tried to give you medical attention, but you repaid their kindness by savagely killing them and eating their brains. You are a zombie my friend, just like me. Though most zombies are slow and stupid, the fact that you are reading this tells me that you are different. Some of us are. Welcome to the PACE virus apocalypse.

Stormy Weather

Author : Carl Hiaasen
ISBN : 9780307767417
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 75. 18 MB
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When a ferocious hurricane rips through southern Florida, the con artists and carpetbaggers waste no time in swarming over the disaster area. Among the predators are Edie Marsh, an entrepreneurial young woman whose scheme to sleep with a Palm Beach Kennedy has fizzled, freezing her to concoct a colossal insurance rip-off; Lester Maddox Parsons, a murderous ex-con whose violent encounter with a game warden has left him with the fitting name of “Snapper”; and Avila, a crooked building inspector-turned-roofer who dabbles somewhat unsuccessfully in the occult. Caught in the middle are Max and Bonnie Lamb, newlyweds torn in wildly different directions by the storm. It is Max’s fateful decision to abort their Disney World honeymoon and race to Dade County to see the terrible devastation. Armed with a video camera, the ambitious young advertising executive can’t wait to show his hurricane tapes to his buddies back in New York. Over Bonnie’s objections, Max eagerly sets out through the rubble, debris and mayhem—and promptly vanishes. The only clue to his whereabouts: a runaway monkey. The only person who can help Bonnie’s search: a mysterious young man with a tranquilizer gun and a roomful of human skulls. But there’s also a man called Skink who has devoted his very strange existence to saving Florida from the kinds of people blown in by the hurricane. It is he, crazed and determined, who prowls the swath of the storm and forever changes the lives of Max, Bonnie, Edie and the others. Their paths—tangled before they even know it—come together in a novel that continues the hilarious and scathing muckraking tradition that Carl Hiaasen has so mercilessly made his own. In Stormy Weather, there is no calm eye. BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Carl Hiaasen's Bad Monkey.

Basket Case

Author : Carl Hiaasen
ISBN : 037541441X
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 74. 37 MB
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A rollicking and hilarious novel from the bestselling author of Bad Monkey and Razor Girl. Jack Tagger’s years in exile at the obituaries desk of a South Florida daily haven’t dulled his investigative reporter’s nose for a good story. When Jimmy Stoma, the infamous front man of Jimmy and the Slut Puppies, dies in a fishy scuba accident, Jack sees his ticket back to page one—if only he can figure out what really happened. Standing in his way are, just for starters, his ambitious young editor, who hasn’t yet fired anyone but plans to “break her cherry” on Jack; the rock star’s pop-singer widow, who’s using the occasion of her husband’s death to relaunch her own career; and the soulless, profit-hungry owner of the newspaper, whom Jack once publicly humiliated at a stockholders’ meeting. Following clues from the late rock singer’s own music, Jack tries to unravel the lies surrounding Jimmy Stoma’s strange fate.

Pilgrim In The Land Of Alligators

Author : Jeff Klinkenberg
ISBN : 0813036941
Genre : History
File Size : 26. 57 MB
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Bronze Medal, Nonfiction, Florida Book Awards Praise for Jeff Klinkenberg "A skilled writer, he knows when to listen and when to nudge each short story along."--Publishers Weekly "Klinkenberg uncovers the beauty and mystery of his home state."--Southern Living "If Jeff Klinkenberg isn't careful," says Carl Hiaasen, "he might give journalism a good name." Praise for Pilgrim in the Land of Alligators "Another entry in [Klinkenberg's] 'Real Florida' crusade against anything false and manufactured with the stench of a theme park attached."--Creative Loafing "A great introduction to one of the state's finest writers."--South Florida Sun-Sentinel "Gracefully written, endlessly entertaining . . . a gift for all who love the real Florida"--St. Petersburg Times Florida native Jeff Klinkenberg grew up in Miami, began working in newspapers at age sixteen, and has been writing for the St. Petersburg Times since 1977. He is the only two-time winner of the Paul Hansell Distinguished Journalism Award, the highest honor given by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. He is also the author of Seasons of Real Florida.

The Downhill Lie

Author : Carl Hiaasen
ISBN : 9780307280459
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 27. 5 MB
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Recounts the author's return to golf after quitting the game in college, describing how he purchased a set of clubs, practiced for eighteen long months, and agreed to compete in a tournament against much more talented players.

The Missing Ink

Author : Philip Hensher
ISBN : 9780865478947
Genre : Language Arts & Disciplines
File Size : 34. 40 MB
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When Philip Hensher realized that he didn't know what a close friend's handwriting looked like ("bold or crabbed, sloping or upright, italic or rounded, elegant or slapdash"), he felt that something essential was missing from their friendship. It dawned on him that having abandoned pen and paper for keyboards, we have lost one of the ways by which we come to recognize and know another person. People have written by hand for thousands of years— how, Hensher wondered, have they learned this skill, and what part has it played in their lives? The Missing Ink tells the story of this endangered art. Hensher introduces us to the nineteenth-century handwriting evangelists who traveled across America to convert the masses to the moral worth of copperplate script; he examines the role handwriting plays in the novels of Charles Dickens; he investigates the claims made by the practitioners of graphology that penmanship can reveal personality. But this is also a celebration of the physical act of writing: the treasured fountain pens, chewable ballpoints, and personal embellishments that we stand to lose. Hensher pays tribute to the warmth and personality of the handwritten love note, postcards sent home, and daily diary entries. With the teaching of handwriting now required in only five states and many expert typists barely able to hold a pen, the future of handwriting is in jeopardy. Or is it? Hugely entertaining, witty, and thought-provoking, The Missing Ink will inspire readers to pick up a pen and write.

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