i heart my little a holes a bunch of holy crap moments no one ever told you about parenting

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I Heart My Little A Holes

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062341617
Genre : Humor
File Size : 37. 66 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

I Want My Epidural Back

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062427090
Genre : Humor
File Size : 24. 63 MB
Format : PDF
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Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

Parenting Illustrated With Crappy Pictures

Author : Amber Dusick
ISBN : 9781743641019
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 71. 35 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

Hyperbole And A Half

Author : Allie Brosh
ISBN : 9781451666175
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 29. 71 MB
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Collects autobiographical, illustrated essays and cartoons from the author's popular blog and related new material that humorously and candidly deals with her own idiosyncrasies and battles with depression.

Sh Tty Mum

Author : Mary Ann Zoellner
ISBN : 9781444755213
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 51. 81 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.

Toddlers Are A Holes

Author : Bunmi Laditan
ISBN : 9780761185642
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 60. 95 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
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Presents a humorous guide to raising a toddler, covering such topics as feeding, potty-training, tantrums, managing the holidays, and "how not to die inside." --Publisher's description.

When Did I Get Like This

Author : Amy Wilson
ISBN : 9780061988011
Genre : Humor
File Size : 38. 45 MB
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“Amy Wilson’s hilarious, tender memoir…had me laughing out loud with recognition. She captures the small moments of motherhood in a way that is both funny and thought-provoking.” —Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project From the creator and star of the one-woman off-Broadway show Mother Load, comes When Did I Get Like This?, a screamingly funny take on being a modern woman, wife, and mother told with “a level of hilarity that even non-moms can appreciate” (Time Out). Amy Wilson’s poignant and provocative, utterly outrageous look at “the Screamer, the Worrier, the Dinosaur-Chicken-Nugget-Buyer, and Other Mothers I Swore I’d Never Be” has already earned an appreciative response from Three-Martini Playdate author Christie Mellor, who calls it, “As entertaining as it is reassuring.”

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