i want my epidural back adventures in mediocre parenting

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I Want My Epidural Back

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 0062427083
Genre : Humor
File Size : 68. 49 MB
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Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

I Heart My Little A Holes

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062341617
Genre : Humor
File Size : 84. 64 MB
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Batdad

Author : Blake Wilson
ISBN : 9780451495518
Genre : Humor
File Size : 87. 1 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Life as an everyday superhero when your Batmobile is a minivan, the villains you face are your crazy kids, and your Bat Cave is always covered in piles of dirty laundry. From the Hardcover edition.

Parentonomics

Author : Joshua Gans
ISBN : 9780262257749
Genre : Business & Economics
File Size : 78. 14 MB
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Like any new parent, Joshua Gans felt joy mixed with anxiety upon the birth of his first child. Who was this blanket-swaddled small person and what did she want? Unlike most parents, however, Gans is an economist, and he began to apply the tools of his trade to raising his children. He saw his new life as one big economic management problem -- and if economics helped him think about parenting, parenting illuminated certain economic principles. Parentonomics is the entertaining, enlightening, and often hilarious fruit of his "research." Incentives, Gans shows us, are as risky in parenting as in business. An older sister who is recruited to help toilet train her younger brother for a share in the reward given for each successful visit to the bathroom, for example, could give the trainee drinks of water to make the rewards more frequent. (Economics later offered another, better toilet training solution: outsourcing. For their third child, Gans and his wife put it in the hands of professionals--the day care providers.) Gans gives us the parentonomic view of delivery (if the mother shares her pain by yelling at the father, doesn't it really create more aggregate pain?), sleep (the screams of a baby are like an offer: "I'll stop screaming if you give me attention"), food (a question of marketing), travel ("the best thing you can say about traveling with children is that they are worse than baggage"), punishment (and threat credibility), birthday party time management, and more. Parents: if you're reading Parentonomics in the presence of other people, you'll be unable to keep yourself from reading the funny parts out loud. And if you're reading it late at night and wake a child with your laughter -- well, you'll have some guidelines for negotiating a return to bed.

You Are Not So Smart

Author : David McRaney
ISBN : 9781592407361
Genre : Humor
File Size : 35. 62 MB
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Explains how self-delusion is part of a person's psychological defense system, identifying common misconceptions people have on topics such as caffeine withdrawal, hindsight, and brand loyalty.

Insatiable

Author : Asa Akira
ISBN : 9780802122599
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 34. 37 MB
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An award-winning, popular actress in the porn industry describes her unusual life and discusses her views on women and sexuality as well as offering an inside look into the porn industry and her relationships with other actors, including her husband.

Raising The Perfect Child Through Guilt And Manipulation

Author : Elizabeth Beckwith
ISBN : 9780061939686
Genre : Humor
File Size : 23. 68 MB
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Popular actress and stand-up comedienne Elizabeth Beckwith gives us the parenting guide to end all parenting guides: Raising the Perfect Child through Guilt and Manipulation. A frequent guest on The Late, Late Show and one of seven comics featured in the Time magazine article, “Funny: The Next Generation,” Beckwith now puts forth a hilarious new parenting philosophy that would shock Dr. Spock and traumatize T. Berry Brazelton. Raising the Perfect Child through Guilt and Manipulation is a riotously irreverent take on contemporary child rearing.

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