i want my epidural back adventures in mediocre parenting

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I Want My Epidural Back

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062427090
Genre : Humor
File Size : 21. 62 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Mobi
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Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

I Want My Epidural Back

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 0062427083
Genre : Humor
File Size : 20. 3 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 194
Read : 1173

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Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

I Heart My Little A Holes

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062341617
Genre : Humor
File Size : 89. 44 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Mobi
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

The Mommy Shorts Guide To Remarkably Average Parenting

Author : Ilana Wiles
ISBN : 1419722190
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 61. 84 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Ilana Wiles is not a good mother. She s not a bad mother either. Like most of us, she s normal. From the creator of the wildly popular blog "Mommy Shorts" comes Ilana Wiles s first humor book on remarkably average parenting. If you want solid advice about raising kids, this book is not for you. If you want to wallow in your own misery about how having kids is AWFUL, this book is not for you. This book pays homage to the every-parent and suggests that they are the people having the best child-rearing experience of all. Using Wiles s signature infographics and photographs to illustrate her personal and hilarious essays on motherhood, the book is an honest guide that celebrates the fun of being a mom."

Kids Are Turds

Author : Jenny Schoberl
ISBN : 9781510704985
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 40. 70 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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When do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said “Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share. Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name. Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby! What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out? Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!

Mother Can You Not

Author : Kate Friedman
ISBN : 9780283072611
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 24. 69 MB
Format : PDF
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'Happy birthday, spawn. Welcome to the wrong side of twenty-five. The expiration date on your eggs is officially in sight. Tick tock. Love, Mom' This was the text message Kate Friedman woke up to on the morning of her twenty-sixth birthday, but her mother's maternal adoration and helicopter parenting began while Kate was still in utero. Never shy about pushing her only daughter to study harder, to dump her loser boyfriends, to move to 'less rapey' neighbourhoods, Kate's mum has given some truly hilarious but often sage advice over the years. It wasn't until Kate began sharing her mother's messages online that she realized quite how many people would find her mother as hysterical as she does. Over, 700,000 people follow @CrazyJewishMom on Instagram, and this side-splittingly funny mother-daughter duo has been featured in media around the world. From taking Kate to buy her first bra at a speciality drag-queen shop, to stalking a Princeton admissions officer across state lines, to posing as her daughter on multiple dating sites, Mother, Can You Not? is Kate's brilliantly funny and affectionate story of life with her fabulous, eccentric mother.

Good Granny Bad Granny

Author : Mary McHugh
ISBN : 9780811855921
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 71. 63 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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This mischievous gift book celebrates grandmothers who, to their families' absolute delight or utter dismay, love to spoil their grandchildren rotten. Each spread features two illustrated scenarios: on the left, a good granny (enforcing 6:00 PM bath time), and on the right, a bad granny (letting the kiddies run through the sprinkler instead). It's the perfect present for grandmas gone bad (or, okay, good) and the families that adore them.

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