murder has nine lives a jaine austen mystery

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Murder Has Nine Lives

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9780758285119
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 87. 56 MB
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"I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny." --Joanne Fluke The future is looking bright for freelance writer Jaine Austen. She's signed up for a new job, she's looking forward to a tropical vacation, and her cat Prozac is slated to star in a major commercial. But when the claws come out behind the scenes, Jaine worries that murder might be the only thing to meow about. . . A writer's life is far from glamorous. Still, Jaine's new gig to write an ad campaign for Toiletmasters' new line of self-flushing toilets comes with a few perks--including a date with the president's dreamy nephew. And with a much-needed trip to Maui on the horizon, it seems life couldn't get any better--until her cat Prozac is tapped to star in a Skinny Kitty commercial. But Jaine never would have guessed the world of cat food could be quite so catty. . . Jaine is nervous that Prozac won't be able to take direction, but the finicky furball ditches her diva behavior for the camera, eating and napping on cue like a seasoned pro. But just as Jaine begins dreaming of fame and fortune, Skinny Kitty's inventor drops dead on the set. Everyone is a suspect--including Jaine. And she'll have to get her paws on the truth before the killer takes a swipe at another victim. . . Outstanding Praise For Laura Levine's Jaine Austen Mysteries Killing Cupid "Levine offers a well-crafted plot." --Publishers Weekly "Jaine is absolutely hysterical. . .this author continues to write the best cozies." --Suspense Magazine Death Of A Neighborhood Witch "Levine's latest finds her at her witty and wacky best." --Kirkus Reviews Death Of A Trophy Wife "If you love a good mystery, this book is for you." --New York Journal of Books This Pen For Hire "Laura Levine's hilarious debut mystery, This Pen for Hire, is a laugh a page (or two or three) as well as a crafty puzzle. Sleuth Jaine Austen's amused take on life, love, sex and LA will delight readers. Sheer fun!"--Carolyn Hart

Pampered To Death

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9780758279729
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 45. 38 MB
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When freelance writer Jaine Austen is surprised with an über-luxe spa getaway, she and her feline pal Prozac are eager to hit the road and bask in a week of pampering and pedicures. But what she gets is a California fat farm in disguise, complete with celery-juice cocktails, humiliating weigh-ins, and a zero-tolerance position on carbs. Among her bulge-battling companions is Mallory Francis, a B-list movie star with a knack for making frenemies. When she's found strangled during a seaweed wrap gone awry, Jaine is hard-pressed to think of anyone who couldn't have done it. While the suspects mount faster than her hunger pangs, Jaine's search for truth, justice and contraband calories leads her straight to a cold-blooded killer--where murder may be on the menu once again. . . "Her books are so outrageously funny, they always make me laugh out loud."--Joanne Fluke Praise for Laura Levine's Jaine Austen series "Delightful. . .Jaine's wit shines throughout." --Publishers Weekly on Pampered to Death "If you love a good mystery, this book is for you." --New York Journal of Books on Death of a Trophy Wife "This will turn out to be a long series. . .likely to be compared to Janet Evanovich for its humor." --I Love a Mystery on This Pen for Hire

Death Of A Neighborhood Witch

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9780758292162
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 62. 19 MB
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Reprinted Edition "I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny." --Joanne Fluke When Jaine Austen's beloved cat Prozac unwittingly scares to death a parakeet belonging to the neighborhood's resident curmudgeon, Jaine finds herself knee-deep in toil and trouble. The cantankerous Hollywood has-been once played Cryptessa Muldoon, television's fourth most famous monster mom. Now she spends her days making enemies with everyone on the block. So when the ornery D-lister is murdered with her own Do Not Trespass sign on Halloween night, the neighborhood fills with relief--and possible culprits. With a killer on the loose, Jaine hardly has time to fall under the spell of her yummy new neighbor, Peter. As the prime suspect, she summons her sleuthing skills to clear her name and soon discovers that everyone has a few skeletons in their closets. . . "Levine's latest finds her at her witty and wacky best." --Kirkus Reviews "Cozy fans will enjoy seeing how Jaine wiggles out of this one." --Publishers Weekly

The Pms Murder

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9781617736193
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 45. 94 MB
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"I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny." --Joanne Fluke On the frontlines of the battle of the bulge, otherwise known as trying on bathing suits in the communal dressing room at Loehmann's, freelance writer Jaine Austen makes a new friend--a wannabe actress named Pam--and gets a new job: sprucing up Pam's bare-bones resume. Their feeling of connection is mutual, so Pam invites Jaine to join The PMS Club–a women's support group that meets once a week over guacamole and margaritas. But joining the club proves to be more a curse than a blessing for Jaine. Though she is warned that Rochelle, the hostess, makes a guacamole to die for, Jaine never takes the warning literally. Until another PMS member, Marybeth, drops dead over a mouthful of the green stuff. Now instead of dishing dirt with The PMS Club, Jaine has to dig up the dirt on the surviving members. . . "Jaine can really dish it out." --The New York Times Book Review

Death By Tiara

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9780758285089
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 24. 92 MB
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"I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny." --Joanne Fluke For freelance writer Jaine Austen, working behind the scenes at a teen beauty pageant has shown her that sometimes beauty is in the eye of the murderer… Teen contestant Taylor Van Sant has a talent for singing, but she can't write a song. So her über-pushy stage mom Heather has hired Jaine to pen lyrics the judges will love. Unfortunately, the hotel hosting Miss Teen Queen America is a dump, the cattiness is out of control, and Candace--the perfectly-coiffed, whip-cracking pageant director--is making even Jaine's life miserable. When Candace's assistant Amy is found bludgeoned to death with a silver tiara, there are more suspects than sequins on a pageant gown--and Heather is first on the list. Taylor begs Jaine to help clear her mom's name, but finding the culprit is going to be trickier than walking the stage in stilettos… "Entertaining…cozy fun." --Publishers Weekly

Last Writes

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9780758278821
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 56. 90 MB
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Wisecracking pen-for-hire Jaine Austen is back--and she's about to discover that working on the set of a Hollywood sitcom is no laughing matter. . . Jaine still hasn't found a good man--or a way to keep all those sugary snacks from going straight to her hips. But--with a little help from her best friend Kandi--she's finally landed a gig as a sitcom writer! True, Muffy 'n Me (aka "Bewitched with Tits") isn't going to win any Emmys. And her office at Miracle Studios needs a little sprucing up, and a few dozen rat traps. But it sure beats writing boring brochures and bad resumes, so Jaine's not complaining. Until the plot thickens--with murder. . . Jaine figures the trouble all started when Muffy 'n Me's hottest star, gorgeous Quinn Kirkland, seduced the head writer--whose husband also works on the show. But when Quinn's caught in bed with the barely-legal actress who plays his niece, things really heat up--and his many jealous girlfriends start to figure things out. . . So when the no-good heartthrob drops dead after nibbling a poisoned doughnut, Jaine isn't terribly surprised. But who could have done it? A competitive co-star and a couple of scorned lovers top Jaine's list of suspects, but the police have zeroed in on her man-crazy pal Kandi. She fell hard for Quinn--and nearly fell apart when she learned of all his other women. Now Jaine has to figure out who finally stopped Quinn's cheatin' heart--before her best friend ends up behind bars. . .

Death Of A Bachelorette

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9781496708489
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 61. 6 MB
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Freelance writer Jaine Austen thought working for a knock-off reality show in the tropics would be paradise. But when she and her kitty Prozac find themselves trapped between a dimwitted leading man, catty contestants, and a cold-blooded murderer, the splashy gig becomes one deadly nightmare . . . Jaine’s life has been a royal pain since she started penning dialogue for Some Day My Prince Will Come—a cheesy dating show that features bachelorettes competing for the heart of Spencer Dalworth VII, a very distant heir to the British throne. But when one of the finalists dies in a freak accident, it’s clear someone wanted the woman out of the race for good—and the police won’t allow a soul off the island until they seize the culprit. Terrified of existing another day without air conditioning and eager to return home, Jaine is throwing herself into the investigation. And she better pounce on clues quickly—or there won’t be any survivors left . . .

Secret Santa

Author : Fern Michaels
ISBN : 9781420132717
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 51. 38 MB
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Christmas is the time for miracles, mayhem, and holiday romance in these wonderful stories from four of today's most beloved authors. . . "Mister Christmas" by Fern Michaels A week before Christmas, attorney Claire O'Brien is summoned to Ireland to change her wealthy client's will--only to encounter resistance from his handsome nephew. Will Claire be forced to spend the holidays up close and personal with her irresistible Irish nemesis? "The Yellow Rose of Christmas" by Marie Bostwick Though Miss Velvet Tudmore wrote off romance years ago, rumor has it she has a secret admirer. And when her surprise suitor promises to reveal himself at the annual Christmas ball in Too Much, Texas, Velvet starts to wonder: is it ever too late to find love? "Nightmare on Elf Street" by Laura Levine Aside from the mortifying costume, how bad can a gig as a mall Santa's elf be? Jaine Austen finds out when she's teamed up with the Santa from Hell. But things go from bad to worse when he's found murdered on the job--and Jaine is a suspect. Now all she wants for Christmas is to find the real killer. . . "Room at the Inn" by Cindy Myers When a Rocky Mountain blizzard forces Barb and her husband to spend Christmas in a remote Colorado cabin with their fellow travelers, Barb struggles to cope--especially when her husband reveals troubling news. But sometimes a holiday shake-up is all a woman needs to discover what she's truly made of. . ..

Shoes To Die For

Author : Laura Levine
ISBN : 9781617731976
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 87. 85 MB
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I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny. --Joanne Fluke If clothes make the man, then what do Jaine Austen's elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? A fashion nightmare, according to her neighbor, Lance. She doesn't expect Lance--who works in the designer shoe department at Nieman Marcus--to understand. . .which is how she ends up visiting his favorite boutique, Passions. While the couture is definitely not for Jaine, the staff's gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts complaining about her co-worker Giselle--a.k.a. "Frenchie"-- a brittle blonde who, when she's not making fun of customers behind their backs, adds extra-marital notches to her Chanel belt. Though Jaine doesn't land a new look, she does land a new job when Passions' owner gives her a chance to write their new magazine ads. But when Jaine arrives the next morning to pitch her ideas, she finds Frenchie pitched over, stabbed in the neck by one of her own stilettos. Now all Jaine has to do is figure out who hated Frenchie the most, in a case of death by designer knock-off. . .

Jane And The Madness Of Lord Byron

Author : Stephanie Barron
ISBN : 9780553907803
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 37. 70 MB
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The restorative power of the ocean brings Jane Austen and her beloved brother Henry, to Brighton after Henry’s wife is lost to a long illness. But the crowded, glittering resort is far from peaceful, especially when the lifeless body of a beautiful young society miss is discovered in the bedchamber of none other than George Gordon—otherwise known as Lord Byron. As a poet and a seducer of women, Byron has carved out a shocking reputation for himself—but no one would ever accuse him of being capable of murder. Now it falls to Jane to pursue this puzzling investigation and discover just how “mad, bad, and dangerous to know” Byron truly is. And she must do so without falling victim to the charming versifier’s legendary charisma, lest she, too, become a cautionary example for the ages. From the Trade Paperback edition.

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