the 365 stupidest things ever said page a day calendar 2017

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You Had One Job

Author : Beverly L. Jenkins
ISBN : 9781449480691
Genre : Humor
File Size : 24. 10 MB
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If someone hangs a stop sign upside down or paints crooked lines on a highway, count on someone else to snap a photo and post it online. You Had One Job! is a collection of hilarious pictures features job-related disasters and general ineptitudes. All of these new, never-before-seen images will be accompanied by witty captions.

The Stupidest Sports Book Of All Time

Author : Kathryn Petras
ISBN : 9781523501977
Genre : Humor
File Size : 77. 30 MB
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The thrill of victory! The agony of a tight jockstrap! It’s a celebration of true sports lunacy from the renowned connoisseurs of stupidity, Kathryn and Ross Petras, authors of the beloved 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar. Here from the wide world of professional and amateur sports are the worst plays, most embarrassing achievements, surliest fans, lamest excuses, and wackiest mascot tricks. Plus history-making blowouts: Georgia Tech trounces Cumberland College 222–0. Freakiest injuries: Pitcher Joel Zamaya plays so much Guitar Hero he goes on the DL with tendonitis. Improbable memorabilia: Andre Agassi’s ponytail, Ty Cobb’s dentures. Looniest promotional giveaways: Win a free vasectomy! Bizarre sports from across the globe: Olympic solo synchronized swimming. And dubious superstitions: Baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs eats chicken before every game of his 18-year career. And, of course, quotes. From athletes: “We lost because we didn’t win.” (soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo). Coaches: “We were scoring, they were scoring. Then we stopped scoring and they kept scoring” (Cavaliers coach Tyronn Lue). And sportscasters: “Winfield goes back to the wall, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way back to second base. This is a terrible thing for the Padres!” (announcer Jerry Coleman).

Lonely Planet Signspotting 2

Author : Doug Lansky
ISBN : 9781741791822
Genre : Humor
File Size : 85. 41 MB
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So, you're back on the road, it's getting dark and you've lost your spot on the map - this is one way to get off the beaten tourist track ! Unless, of course, you're willing to take directions from the signs found within these covers. Perhaps you fancy a weekend at the George Bush Centre for Intelligence, or are willing to navigate your way around a city despite the Explosion ! signs on every corner. Whatever adventure you're after - whether it be a trip to the Curry Prevention Services Unit in Oregon or the Ha Ha Cemetery in New Brunswick, Canada - let our new collection of signs from around the globe guide, confuse and amuse you !

It Always Seems Impossible Until It S Done

Author : Kathryn Petras
ISBN : 9780761181279
Genre : Self-Help
File Size : 60. 68 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Pursuing a dream is hard work, but the right words delivered at the right time—by people who’ve been there and done that—can give us just the motivation we need. The right words can rekindle our enthusiasm, re-energize our efforts, dispel doubt, let us know we’re not alone, and show us that the fight is worth it—and winnable. Kathryn and Ross Petras are masters at choosing and delivering just the right words. Their books—such as “Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese” and “Dance First. Think Later.”—and bestselling calendar, The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, have over 5.2 million copies in print. Now comes a book for dreamers and doers, plus writers, entrepreneurs, graduates, artists, future movers and shakers. Collecting the hard-won, brilliantly expressed advice from pioneers who have paved the way, including everyone from Rumi to Steve Jobs, Michelangelo to Oprah to Tina Fey, “It Always Seems Impossible Until It’s Done” is like a rousing locker-room speech, inspiring courage, commitment, and perseverance. “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” —Michael Jordan “Go for it, baby! Life ain’t no dress rehearsal.” —Tallulah Bankhead “Perfection is like chasing the horizon. Keep moving.” —Neil Gaiman “If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” —T. S. Eliot “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” —Nelson Mandela

F In Exams

Author : Richard Benson
ISBN : 9781452138572
Genre : Humor
File Size : 46. 3 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
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F stands for "funny" in this perfect gift for students or anyone who has ever had to struggle through a test and needs a good laugh. Celebrating the creative side of failure in a way we can all relate to, F in Exams gathers the most hilarious and inventive test answers provided by students who, faced with a question they have no hope of getting right, decide to have a little fun instead. Whether in science (Q: What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register? A: Mariah Carey), the humanities (Q: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common? A: Unusual names), math, or other subjects, these 250 entries prove that while everyone enjoys the spectacle of failure, it's even sweeter to see a FAIL turn into a WIN.

The Smartest Things Ever Said New And Expanded

Author : Steven Price
ISBN : 9781493026296
Genre : Reference
File Size : 86. 74 MB
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The Smartest Things Ever Said is a compendium of human wisdom culled from the world’s most celebrated—and sometimes anonymous—minds. From Confucius and Shakespeare to Maya Angelou and Woody Allen, and from Winston Churchill and Thomas Edison to Jeff Bezos and Jane Fonda, it is quite simply the best collection of the smartest quotes ever.

Stupidest Things Ever Said

Author : Kathryn Petras
ISBN : 9780761168683
Genre : Humor
File Size : 43. 57 MB
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Not just stupidity, but obsessive stupidity! Not just random stupidity, but organized stupidity! Here, from the celebrated collectors of the stupidest things ever said, it’s the cre`me de la cre`me of stupidities, made even funnier and more compelling in an irresistible top 10 list format. Try one: The Top 10 Stupidest Actual Book Titles: 1. A Toddler’s Guide to the Rubber Industry 2. Constipation and our Civilization 3. Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers 4. The Secret of Sphincters 5. A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating 6. Life and Laughter ’midst the Cannibals 7. Be Bold With Bananas 8. Hand-Grenade Throwing as a College Sport 9. Collect Fungi on Stamps 10. A Study of Hospital Waiting Lists in Cardiff, 1953–1954 Plus lost-in-translation moments. Doubles entendres. Political speeches, foreign menus, traffic signs. Celebrities on literature, on homelessness, on revealing too much about themselves. Mangled cliche ́s and bizarre analogies, the wit of the witless and comedy of the clueless—never before have so many said something so dumb, now in one book.

1 000 Unforgettable Senior Moments

Author : Tom Friedman
ISBN : 9781523500567
Genre : Humor
File Size : 80. 25 MB
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The president who left the nuclear launch codes in a suit at the dry cleaners. The novelist who put the orange juice outside and the kitten in the refrigerator. The Russian general who left home in full military dress . . . minus his pants. The famous sex goddess who blew the same line through 52 takes. And the rock star who no longer remembers 1975. Filled with classic lapses, gaffes, and mental bloopers, 1,000 Unforgettable Senior Moments is a fabulous and witty gift for anyone of a certain age. And now it is updated, revised with more than 20 percent new stories, and repackaged in two color, making it an even more vibrant, visually appealing, fresh, and compellingly readable book. Anyone who’s ever had a mental lapse will empathize with relative spring chicken Nicki Minaj, who, while accepting a BET Viewers’ Choice Award, forgot why she was receiving the statuette (on live national television, no less). Or the team of astrophysicists who believed they had discovered proof of alien life—only to discover the signals were coming from the lunchroom microwave. Here’s a best man forgetting to show up at the wedding, a musician leaving his priceless cello in a cab, the bank robber who wrote a holdup note on a paycheck stub that had his name and address printed on it, and the Fox studio chief who, when pressed by his leading lady to remember her name, offered “. . . Cleopatra?”

Laugh Out Loud Jokes For Kids

Author : Rob Elliott
ISBN : 9780800788032
Genre : Juvenile Nonfiction
File Size : 31. 49 MB
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Presents a collection of jokes for young readers, including one liners, knock knock jokes, and tongue twisters.

Trumpisms

Author : Seth Millstein
ISBN : 9781510710962
Genre : Political Science
File Size : 20. 82 MB
Format : PDF
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One may think that Donald Trump knows what he’s talking about. After all, the man—as he’ll remind you at every opportunity—has made a whopping $4 million as an entrepreneur and is far ahead of his competitors in the race to become the republican nominee for the 2016 presidential election. He’s also assertive, bold, self-assured, and argumentative. He talks as if he knows what he’s talking about. And then reality sets it. He can’t actually believe the ludicrous things that come out of his mouth. Or can he? This brilliant, hilarious, and horrifying collection is a compilation of more than one hundred of the most mind-boggling, insane, crass, ignorant, and downright offensive statements he's made, Tweeted, or otherwise written. We’ll cover his thoughts on public policy, international relations, President Barack Obama, his opponents, himself—and much, much more. So buckle up, America, because common sense, experience, grace, and political knowledge—who needs them? As Trump said, he will be one of the greatest presidents “that God ever created.”

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