boogers are my beat

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Boogers Are My Beat

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781400051212
Genre : Humor
File Size : 88. 60 MB
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The New York Times calls him “the funniest man in America,” and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: • The scientific search for the world’s funniest joke (you can bet it includes the word “weasel”) • RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot • Outwitting “smart” kitchen appliances and service contracts • Elections in Florida (“You can’t spell Florida without ‘duh’”) • The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating • The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui • The choice between death and taxes And much, much more—including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11. Dave Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988, and his columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh. Also available as an eBook

Don T Sleep With A Bubba Unless Your Eggs Are In Wheelchairs

Author : Susan Reinhardt
ISBN : 9780758282927
Genre : Humor
File Size : 64. 59 MB
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The Southern Belle's answer to David Sedaris. --Karin Gillespie "She's like a modern-day, southern-fried Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry."--Booklist Aimed at anyone with a funny bone, these all new stories and essays by Gannett-syndicated columnist Susan Reinhardt tackle domestic life, particularly of the Southern persuasion, with sidesplitting observations and searing confessions. Reinhardt candidly lets readers into her world as she goes mano a mano with her Bubba of a husband--and occasionally her mother. From discovering she's getting a dreaded "front fanny" to revealing her husband's experiments with a Norelco shaver and their Pomeranian pooch, Reinhardt scrapes bare the bedrock truth about married life and love. She also poignantly shares her struggles with a depression that secretly plunged her downward and her reaction to the unexpected helping hands that pulled her up. Totally uncensored and blisteringly honest, Reinhardt is all heart--and a storyteller to savor and remember. "So engaging. . .so honest. . .will make you laugh out loud."--The Asheville Citizen-Times "Like hanging out with your bluntest, most mischievous friend, the one who never fails to crack you up." --Chicago Sun-Times "Funny and touching. . .Reinhardt is not afraid to put it all out there."--The Pilot (N.C.) "Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. . . will have you holding your sides the whole time." --Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Girl "She can break your heart in one sentence and leave you laughing till you're breathless in the next." --Julie Cannon, True Love & Homegrown Tomatoes Susan Reinhardt is a syndicated columnist and feature writer whose work has appeared all over the world in major newspapers such as the Washington Post, London Daily Mirror, Newsday, and other Tribune Media and Gannett publications. Reinhardt has won dozens of awards for her writing, including several Best of Gannett honors and a Pulitzer Prize nomination. A long-time volunteer fund-raiser for Hospice, the United Way, the American Lymphoma and Leukemia Society, the PTO and other worthwhile and not so worthwhile causes, Reinhardt is also a proud member of the Not Quite Write Book Club, a group of ten women who drink wine and pretend to act literary. A true Daughter of the South, Susan Reinhardt was born in South Carolina, was raised in Georgia, and currently makes her home in Asheville, North Carolina, the jewel city of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She has two adorable children and still calls her mama every night.

Insane City

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781101609194
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 43. 7 MB
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Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute…

Big Trouble

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 1101442220
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 37. 26 MB
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Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In his career, Dave Barry has done just about everything--written bestselling nonfiction, won a Pulitzer Prize, seen his life turned into a television series. And now, at last, he has joined the long list of literary figures from Jane Austen to Tolstoy who have made the transition from humor columnist to novelist...and done it with a style and inventiveness that establishes that, yes, he is very good at that, too. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt's intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny's alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid's room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur's embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.

Live Right And Find Happiness Although Beer Is Much Faster

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781101631508
Genre : Humor
File Size : 88. 93 MB
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During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has learned much of wisdom,* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed) and he is eager to pass it on—to the next generation, the generation after that, and to those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience. In brilliant, brand-new, never-before-published pieces, Dave passes on home truths to his new grandson and to his daughter Sophie, who will be getting her learner’s permit in 2015 (“So you’re about to start driving! How exciting! I’m going to kill myself”). He explores the hometown of his youth, where the grown-ups were supposed to be uptight fifties conformists, but seemed to have a lot of un-Mad Men-like fun, unlike Dave’s own Baby Boomer generation, which was supposed to be wild and crazy, but somehow turned into neurotic hover-parents. He dives into everything from the inanity of cable news and the benefits of Google Glass (“You will look like a douchebag”) to the loneliness of high school nerds (“You will never hear a high school girl say about a boy, in a dreamy voice, ‘He’s so sarcastic!’”), from the perils of home repair to firsthand accounts of the soccer craziness of Brazil and the just plain crazy craziness of Vladimir Putin’s Russia (“He stares at the camera with the expression of a man who relaxes by strangling small furry animals”), and a lot more besides. By the end, if you do not feel wiser, richer in knowledge, more attuned to the universe . . . we wouldn’t be at all surprised. But you’ll have had a lot to laugh about! From the Hardcover edition.

The Resurrection Of Booger Mapes

Author : John D. Ferguson
ISBN : 1462824331
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 28. 39 MB
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...For the umpteenth time this morning, the thin man with wary eyes pours another cup of coffee and returns to his seat at the dinette table. He performs the task for something to do, just like the sip he takes from the cup, more for action than thirst. There is nothing unfamiliar about, but he studies the air before his face with intensity. His gaze moves from the checkered oilskin tablecloth to the pale light of the only kitchen window and back again. Through a deep mental fog he sees neither. He is lost in thought. The thump of frying pan on the stove top makes him jump. Rina has come into the kitchen without him even noticing, and is now bustling about the kitchen doing cooking things with a familiar ease and her peculiar habit of humming to herself when pleasantly occupied. Her back is straight, hips full and fi rm, and buttocks tightly packed into the confi nes of denim jeans. With the unnerving second sense of some women, she glances over her shoulder with a knowing smile...

The Skit Book

Author : Margaret Read MacDonald
ISBN : 0874837855
Genre : Drama
File Size : 60. 69 MB
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Presents a variety of short skits written by children that do not require much preparation or props.

Ahmed The Philosopher

Author : Alain Badiou
ISBN : 9780231536585
Genre : Philosophy
File Size : 24. 85 MB
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English-speaking readers might be surprised to learn that Alain Badiou writes fiction and plays along with his philosophical works and that they are just as important to understanding his larger intellectual project. In Ahmed the Philosopher, Badiou's most entertaining and accessible play, translated into English here for the first time, readers are introduced to Badiou's philosophy through a theatrical tour de force that has met with much success in France. Ahmed the Philosopher presents its comic hero, the "treacherous servant" Ahmed, as a seductively trenchant philosopher even as it casts philosophy itself as a comic performance. The comedy unfolds as a series of lessons, with each "short play" or sketch illuminating a different Badiousian concept. Yet Ahmed does more than illustrate philosophical abstractions; he embodies and vivifies the theatrical and performative aspects of philosophy, mobilizing a comic energy that exposes the emptiness and pomp of the world. Through his example, the audience is moved to a living engagement with philosophy, discovering in it the power to break through the limits of everyday life.

Precious Bryony Rose And The Icky Sticky Booger Boys

Author : Fiona Shirley Pope
ISBN : 9781483617763
Genre : Juvenile Fiction
File Size : 29. 76 MB
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What could possibly change your life over night and turn a happy existence into a tit for tat practical joke nightmare? Having three brothers move in as your new next door neighbours that's what! Bryony Rose comes head to head with the unruly and unstoppable Booger boys after her own dog displays out of control behaviour that ends up causing Bryony Rose major embarrassment. Bryony Rose develops a serious need to pay back her new neighbours for laughing at her public misfortune. She plans her own practical joke for revenge but it goes way too well and the next thing she knows she is at war with the Booger boys!

Buster Boogernose And The Bully

Author : Mark Stellinga
ISBN : 9780979642128
Genre :
File Size : 47. 61 MB
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