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You Wiped My Butt When I Was A Baby

Author : Yo Poppa Notebooks
ISBN : 1098966880
Genre :
File Size : 86. 7 MB
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Funny Notebook Gift for a Fun Loving Dad A great alternative to a regular 'Dad' card on his birthday, Father's Day and beyond. Perfect for journaling, list making, creative writing, recording stuff, or hatching a plan for world domination. 6 x 9 inches 100 pages of lined paper matte softcover finish

The Adventures Of The Carbide Kid

Author : John K. Bright
ISBN : 9781642141375
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 86. 91 MB
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The Adventures of the Carbide Kid (Volume II) is part of an ongoing collection of actual events that were exaggerated through many years of storytelling. Growing up in a rural county in Mississippi, the author and the Carbide Kid had many mischievous adventures and mishaps.

Gentlemen Prefer Curves

Author : Sugar Jamison
ISBN : 9781466826304
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 41. 75 MB
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SOMETIMES SIZE DOES MATTER Belinda Gordon thought she had it all-a great job, wonderful friends, a home of her own. She's even come to love her voluptuous body. But she still can't shake the feeling that something is missing. And then Carter Lancaster, aka Her Biggest Mistake, shows up in town, as irresistible as ever, and shakes up her entire world. WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE Carter never expected to find Belinda in town, looking as delicious as the day he married her five years ago-before she walked out on him after six weeks and a painful misunderstanding that included his baby daughter, Ruby. A quick divorce is the sensible option-but Carter can't let Belinda go now, not when he can see the family they could be. Love may be a curveball, but this time he's going to prove to Belinda that he can hit it out of the park... Gentlemen Prefer Curves is the third book in the Perfect Fit series Praise for Sugar Jamison's Dangerous Curves Ahead "Dangerous Curves Ahead is laugh out loud funny and super sexy, with unique characters you can't help but love!"-New York Times bestselling author Lori Foster

Retail Tales And Nonsense

Author : Michael Dichter
ISBN : 9781469117812
Genre : Humor
File Size : 78. 66 MB
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Who Ya Bagging For? I have been told to bag for the cashier, the other bagger, or the supervisor. But very rarely have I been told to bag for the guest. This seems funny to me. Now if they wanted to tell me to take over for the other employee or the guest(s), that would make sense, but the easy, lazy way to communicate seems to be the only way they know how. You’d think someone that has the skills to do this job would at least know the difference between bagging for the cashier, etc., and the guests

Midnight Baby

Author : Wendy Hornsby
ISBN : 9781453229309
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 85. 68 MB
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Maggie investigates the murder of a strange young streetwalkerIn Los Angeles making a documentary about upscale day cares, Maggie MacGowen visits MacArthur Park to get contrasting footage of the pubescent prostitutes that populate its dark corners. There she meets Pisces, a fourteen-year-old hooker with manners that don’t match her profession. As they bond over a plate of pastrami, Maggie talks her into spending the night in a shelter. But Pisces comes with baggage: a nine-year-old hoodlum named Sly. Maggie takes them both to a convent, where they are fed, bathed, and tucked into bed, just like normal children. The next day, Pisces is dead, her throat slashed by an unknown hand. The Los Angeles Police Department has little time for murdered hookers, so it falls to Maggie to find the killer. The keys to the case are the young girl’s manners, and the fact that she died with her virginity intact.

Can You Squeeze My Banana?

Author : Brenda Wojick
ISBN : 9781452058511
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 70. 10 MB
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To be a good nurse takes dedication, perseverance and patience. We are there to take care of the sick and nurture them back to good health. So what would you say to a little old man who asks you to squeeze his banana? Would you take him up on his offer? I would say, "Let me have it." By the way, he only wants it peeled! It is questions like that, that are not that unusual coming from the patients that I care for everyday and some questions get much more creative, if you know what I mean? It is also questions like that, which make me chuckle, and it is a small reminder of why I go to work each day. Contemplating my days, I found myself involved in some of the most outrageous situations, so I've decided to welcome all of you into my world just so you can see for yourself what nursing is all about. I am not just telling a single story but rather depicting humorous detailed encounters of actual events that leave you astonished. Remember, there is humor to be found in just about everything!

Main Land

Author : Two Feathers
ISBN : 9781493148905
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 78. 30 MB
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There is an aura around Jay that screams confidence and power! He has an authority air about him that people react to, but when it comes to Dyan; he is week in the knees and would do anything for her. However, Dyan struggles to survive one tragedy after another to fight for the love she found on the island with Jay, but the odds are stacking up against her! Will she succumb to these trials or will she find the strength to endure them and conquer them to finally get her happily-ever-after?

In The Past You Wiped My Butt In The Future I Won T Be Returning The Favor Happy Mothers Day Funny Mother S Day Journal This Is A 6x9 100 Page Diar

Author : Dewy Eyed Publishing
ISBN : 1090524331
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 90. 89 MB
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The Ultimate Happy Mother's Day Blank Lined 6X9 100 Page Journal For: Anyone celebrating Mother's Day, has the Best Mom In The World or Just Because. Funny Happy Mother's Day Journal Gift Gift For Moms May Mother's Gift Make Memories Included: Things that made me smile today Reasons Why Today was a good day One Page for Each Day Gift For Mother's Day May 12th Gift #1 Mom God has blessed me with an amazing mother Happy Mother's Day I am honored to be your son/daughter I am so grateful and blessed to have a mom as wonderful as you I am so lucky to be your son/daughter I can always rely/count on you I know I wasn't easy to raise me I love my mom more than words can say I love you, Mom, with all my heart I'm so lucky to have you as my mom Funny Mother's Day Diary To Write Things in.

The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever

Author : Michael Ryan
ISBN : 9780595311736
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 46. 62 MB
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"I am speechless. The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever is the most disgusting, crude book I have ever read. I am ashamed to say my son wrote this. Where did I go wrong?" -Mother of Author Michael Ryan, too embarrassed to give her name "I succeeded! It is clear that my superb parenting skills paid off. The Author, Michael Ryan, tells the A to Zs of shit taking. He demonstrates his expertise on the always funny material of the infamous #2." -Proud Father of Author Michael Ryan, who's wife wouldn't let him give his first name The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever was written for anyone who wants to laugh out loud about the topic of taking a crap. Author Michael Ryan displays his expertise on the often unspoken everyday experience of going to the bathroom. He dissects every imaginable issue from the toilet paper texture to the writings on the bathroom stall doors. A few of the many other topics covered are: types of doody, locations, bathroom spray, courtesy flush, the bidet, what to do while going to the bathroom, types of farts, clogging the bowl, activities, wiping (sitting vs. standing), diarrhea, hemorrhoids, girls, masturbation, constipation and public toilets in various countries.

Revelations

Author : Latrese N. Carter
ISBN : 9781622860296
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 83. 80 MB
Format : PDF
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Jewel Winters, a 24-year-old single mother, has had her fair share of trials and tribulations. Since childhood, she's had to battle with her verbally abusive, alcoholic mother. Now, as a young adult, she's barely making ends meet, lacks self-esteem, and regrets not pursuing higher education. But in spite of her many hardships, Jewel is making an effort to live a fulfilling life. That is, until she's hit with the realization that her long-term boyfriend may not be the father of their three-year-old daughter. The aftermath of this revelation leads to a tragic accident, which sends Jewel on a downward spiral. Revelations is a poignant tale about a young woman who aspires to overcome the many obstacles that cross her path. Will Jewel prevail over the effects of behaving badly? Will she heal from past hurts? Will she open up her heart to be loved again? Lies, secrets, treachery, forgiveness, and triumph are at the forefront of this story with many twists and turns.

Full Figured

Author : Brenda Hampton
ISBN : 9781622861941
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 85. 26 MB
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Age is just a number, and whoever said that full-figured women don't know how to bring fire to a relationship was sadly mistaken. Carl Weber brings together two popular Urban Books divas to give readers what they've been asking for: passionate, empowering stories about the lives and loves of big, beautiful women. Newly divorced, 40-year-old Desa Rae finds herself alone now that her son has gone away to college. She's taken to her bed, watching life pass her by—until Roc, a 24-year-old with a jaw-dropping body comes along. Desa Rae can't keep her eyes open or legs closed to a man who excites her like no other man has. But can she really be serious about a man who is almost the same age as her son? Avery Belmont is a diva in her own right. Smart, sassy, and successful, she has always had it going on; so much so that not only did the full-figured beauty catch the eye of Duke, the sexiest dude on the block, but she encouraged him to leave the dope game and become legit. Now, seven years later, Avery is working hard and trying to move ahead, but it seems that Duke isn't feeling the same way. Working with Kurt, her attractive coworker, isn't helping her situation. Is the love between Avery and Duke strong enough to keep them together, or will the strength of that love make them realize it's time to let go?

Gargantua And Pantagruel

Author : Francois Rabelais
ISBN : 9780141935782
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 57. 69 MB
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The dazzling and exuberant moral stories of Rabelais (c. 1471-1553) expose human follies with their mischievous and often obscene humour, while intertwining the realistic with carnivalesque fantasy to make us look afresh at the world. Gargantua depicts a young giant, reduced to laughable insanity by an education at the hands of paternal ignorance, old crones and syphilitic professors, who is rescued and turned into a cultured Christian knight. And in Pantagruel and its three sequels, Rabelais parodied tall tales of chivalry and satirized the law, theology and academia to portray the bookish son of Gargantua who becomes a Renaissance Socrates, divinely guided in his wisdom, and his idiotic, self-loving companion Panurge.

My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag And Other Things You Can T Ask Martha

Author : Jolie Kerr
ISBN : 9781101613238
Genre : Humor
File Size : 66. 19 MB
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “Wise and funny. . . . The Lorrie Moore short story, or the Tina Fey memoir, of cleaning tutorials.”—Dwight Garner, The New York Times “Thrillingly titled. . . . For a generation overwhelmed not just by dust bunnies, but by bong water on the carpet, pee stains on the ceiling and vomit seemingly everywhere, Jolie Kerr dispenses cleaning advice free of judgment. . . . A Mrs. Beeton for the postcollege set.” —Penelope Green, The New York Times “Jolie Kerr really cuts through the grease and grime with her new book. I do what she tells me to do.” —Amy Sedaris The author of the hit column “Ask a Clean Person” offers a hilarious and practical guide to cleaning up life’s little emergencies Life is filled with spills, odors, and those oh-so embarrassing stains you just can’t tell your parents about. And let’s be honest: no one is going to ask Martha Stewart what to do when your boyfriend barfs in your handbag. Thankfully, Jolie Kerr has both staggering cleaning knowledge and a sense of humor. With signature sass and straight talk, Jolie takes on questions ranging from the basic—how do I use a mop? —to the esoteric—what should I do when bottles of homebrewed ginger beer explode in my kitchen? My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag proves that even the most nightmarish cleaning conundrums can be solved with a smile, the right supplies, and a little music.

Losing Everything

Author : David Lozell Martin
ISBN : 1416580468
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 82. 43 MB
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In Losing Everything, his first book of nonfiction, acclaimed novelist David Lozell Martin tells his wildest, most outlandish story yet -- his own. One evening in the mountainous forest of his isolated West Virginia farmhouse, Martin became disoriented when searching for a horse who had wandered off the property. Wading through the dark and guiding his horse with a belt around its neck, Martin felt as though every step was taking him deeper into the mountains. Instead, he unknowingly spent the night walking in a wide circle that brought him back to where he started. This quickly became a metaphor for Martin's life. "The more lost I get, the closer to home I come." After growing up with a violent father who nearly killed Martin's clinically insane mother, Martin pursued a writer's life with a vengeance, becoming vulnerable to struggles with alcohol, financial ruin, and legal feuds. Then, after a betrayal by his soul mate, Martin's sanity was in as much jeopardy as his mother's had ever been -- a state of mind that in his case led to gunfire, divorce, and at least one trip to the emergency room. But Losing Everything is less about getting lost and more about finding your way home again. In his pursuit of stability, Martin uncovered lessons that might help others who have encountered loss: take pleasure in something as small as an ampersand, keep a list of people you know who have died, meet your own death like a warrior, and be glad you don't own a monkey. Deeply personal yet surprisingly universal, Martin's story is for anyone who has wandered astray. If not a road map, his journey is a guide, providing hard-earned wisdom to illuminate the path home.

The Poo Bomb

Author : Jeff Vogel
ISBN : 0740750453
Genre : Humor
File Size : 26. 67 MB
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Author Jeff Vogel did not go into parenthood with any delusions. He knew that he would love his daughter, and that was terrifying. What if he screwed up? And he knew that life with a baby would be different, that it would be filled with an endless stream of filthy diapers, unexplained wailing, and sleepless nights. Not to mention no sex. The parenting books painted a picture of smart, communicative babies and mindless, limitless joy, but he knew they were lying to him. So he wrote his own book. The Poo Bomb: True Tales of Parental Terror recounts, in a no-punches-pulled style, the first year of life of Cordelia, Jeff's freshly hatched, gooey human girl. The first year of parenthood isn't about joy or fulfillment. It is about menial labor, wiping up human waste, and marking time until the kid is old enough to run and play and thank you for its life. Jeff chronicles the journey through the morass of year one week by week. Rich with irreverent honesty and humor, The Poo Bomb is the reality show of parenting books: It reflects what most parents have sometimes guiltily felt about their not-so-delightful bundles of joy.

Santa Baby

Author : Ali Cronin
ISBN : 9781471403378
Genre : Juvenile Fiction
File Size : 70. 73 MB
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Snowy days and steamy nights ... A saucy Christmas novella to heat up your winter nights! It's Christmas, and also the end of Annie's first few weeks as a chalet girl up in the Swiss mountains. Her boyfriend back home has gone off travelling, and Annie's not exactly feeling full of festive spirit. She really isn't in the mood for the stag party of posh-boys who've just arrived... And sure enough, it isn't long before one of the party - alpha male George - is coming on a little too strong, and making it clear he'd relish getting Annie under the mistletoe, and into his bed. She's almost tempted. George is funny, in a loud, arrogant kind of way, and he's certainly attractive. But Annie is more interested in someone else... the shy, quiet one of the group, who doesn't quite seem to fit in with the rest of the public school boys. Pity he's got a girlfriend - according to George, that is. But the days roll on, and despite the freezing temperatures on the slopes, it's hotting up in the chalet, and Annie is close to boiling point. The question is, does a certain person feel the same way... SANTA BABY is part of Hot Key Books' exclusive new novella list, and one of a series of five available this Christmas. Unlock your naughty side!

Baby It S Cold Outside

Author : Jennifer Probst
ISBN : 9781476786193
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 54. 26 MB
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New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling indie authors Jennifer Probst, Emma Chase, Kristen Proby, Melody Anne, and debut author Kate Meader come together to write a sizzling romance anthology. Outside it may be frosty, so turn the heat way up with these stories of desire! Can a determined woman executive and a playboy billionaire survive being stranded together in a snowstorm? Jennifer Probst depicts an encounter almost too hot to handle… Drew and Kate play an encore to Tangled in this sexy take on a “Christmas Carol” by Emma Chase. When a Christmas Eve argument condemns Drew to a troubled night, three dream women teach him that no gift could be more tantalizing than Kate… With Kristen Proby, ski slopes are quite delightful. Grace Douglas is sure she’ll never learn to ski, but instructor Jacob Baxter could teach her lessons of a different kind… Can a southern California transplant survive Montana’s deep snows? Melody Anne, author of the bestselling Andersons series, melts the icy drifts completely away with the heat between sexy Hawk Winchester and brand-new teacher Natalie Duncan… What could be hotter than a firefighter? Kate Meader shows how hot it can get as Beck Rivera and heiress-turned-tattoo-artist Darcy Cochrane discover that nothing ignites holiday flames like rekindling a lost love…

From The Mouth Of Charlie Watts

Author : Kelly Watts
ISBN : 9781469125961
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 75. 97 MB
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From the Mouth of Charlie Watts is a collection of short stories featuring conversations with the Autistic son of the author. The quotes were compiled over the last year.

Dirty White

Author : Brian Freemantle
ISBN : 9781453226506
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 74. 59 MB
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When his son is caught trafficking cocaine, a successful financial advisor swears to take down the Colombian drug lords who sold it to himWalter Farr has done well for himself. One of the top investment counselors in New York, he has earned a fortune and amassed everything he could ever want, except a close relationship with his son, Howard. When the boy’s mother died, Walter did what he could for their child, but each year Howard pulled further and further away. Even so, Walter never expected something like this. Howard has been arrested for importing cocaine. The charge is not trivial—Howard’s crime could put him away for life—and to get him out of it Walter will do the unthinkable. He’ll join the FBI to go after the dangerous Colombians who sold Howard the drugs in the first place. It’s a gamble that could prove fatal, but Walter Farr will never fail his son again. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Brian Freemantle including rare photos from the author’s personal collection.

The Privilege Of Youth

Author : Dave Pelzer
ISBN : 9781101219423
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 28. 96 MB
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The #1 New York Times and #1 internationally bestselling author who is a shining example of what overcoming adversity really means now shares the lost chapter of his uplifting journey, which has touched the lives of millions. From A Child Called “It” to The Lost Boy, from A Man Named Dave to Help Yourself, Dave Pelzer’s inspirational books have helped countless others triumph over hardship and misfortune. In The Privilege of Youth, he shares the missing chapter of his life: as a boy on the threshold of adulthood. With sensitivity and insight, he recounts the relentless taunting he endured from bullies; but he also describes the thrill of making his first real friends—some of whom he still shares close relationships with today. He writes about the simple pleasures of exploring his neighborhood, while trying to forget the hell waiting for him at home. From high school to a world beyond the four walls that were his prison for so many years, The Privilege of Youth bravely and compassionately charts this crucial turning point in Dave Pelzer’s life and will inspire a whole new generation of readers.

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